I Was Here by Gayle Forman

I Was Here by Gayle Forman

Genre: Romance, Mystery, Suicide

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Suicide is kind of a touchy subject. Everybody goes there, as said in I Was Here by Gayle Forman, and I think that’s true. Everybody thinks about it, but the seriousness of it depends on the person. 

I Was Here started after Meg’s death. Cody, Meg’s best friend, was upset, but it was a quiet and angry grieving. The beginning of the book was very saddening and I know I couldn’t help but point blame at everyone—that’s the type of person I am, even though I know it isn’t anyone’s fault. Also, I immediately loved Meg, as everyone else did, and had a hard time adjusting to Cody’s personality. I think it’s because in the beginning, Cody was still part of Meg and describing Meg as opposed to explaining her individual self. It felt like Cody didn’t have a personality, almost, in the beginning, because her personality was so swallowed up by Meg’s overwhelming character. However, as the book proceeded, I grew to hate Meg because, while she seemed like a great person in the beginning, we started to see more of her, but only enough to show a selfish, attention-seeking, nonconformist girl.

And I grew to love and relate to Cody. Some of Cody’s decisions were crazy, but I felt really connected to her. I know I say that about most characters, but I guess that’s because I am always looking for ways to improve my reading experience. With Cody, I felt like our thoughts were kind of parallel. That might not make sense, and I don’t know how to explain our similarities, but I know they were there. It’s kind of confusing.

This whole book was crazy and confusing, too. Despite finishing this book in one night, I had to wait a few days before I could finally formulate my thoughts into sentences. It was baffling, the whole thing. While I think it’s crazy that people could actually create a “suicide support group,” I guess I kind of understand, too, and I know that makes me strange. Maybe it’s because I’m thinking about it, but I understand where they were coming from—they just wanted someone who understands completely and won’t judge them. It’s the same as if someone were to turn to drugs or alcohol, really. It’s a coping mechanism, even though this is a way to end coping.

While I do understand the concept, I don’t agree with it, and I definitely don’t agree with All_BS. Once again, I don’t know how to explain my hatred for this character and what he did to people. One of the reasons why I don’t go beyond thinking about death is because of the one’s I love. I’m not the kind of person who could hurt people like that no matter how badly I am hurting. Even when I am blind to those thoughts, I still unconsciously know that I couldn’t cause that type of pain. And that’s why what the account All_BS did pissed me off so much. He basically convinced people that they won’t be hurting anyone—they’ll be freeing them. He was able to convince people to consider death, even Cody who was only talking to him to bring him down for Meg’s death. He was just so repulsing to me, especially when we found out who he really was.

What I liked about this book was that it wasn’t just a sappy love story. In fact, I’d say the little bit of love that is included is more of a side dish to the main course. It was so different from Gayle Forman’s other books. It was such a mature and heavy topic that I think should be addressed more often, especially with the growing rates of suicide and depression in the world. This book was one of those books that really influences you—you won’t be the same person as before you read it. It was riveting, interesting, life changing, baffling, and more. It was fantastic.

Five stars.